Newt Gingrich won the South Carolina Republican Primary. So I sang about what life must have been like for someone living in Charleston during the weeks of being bombarded by political ads instead of the ads we’ve come to know and love. And I sang it to the tune of Ryan Adams’ “Oh My Sweet Carolina.” Look it up.
Newt Gingrich Proposed Open Marriage, But It’s Cool ‘Cause He Found God
FIERY PITS, HELL (Mildly Relevant News) — “I found God” is a common expression amongst mostly Republican politicians. The formula is quite simple, really: “I fucked up” + “I still want a political career” = “I found God.” This time (and once again) the culprit is none other than former Speaker of the House and current candidate for the Republican Presidential nominee, the adulterer of adulterers, Neeeeeeeeeeewt Gingrich!
Santorum Retro-Wins Iowa Caucus Over Romney
Jealous of the obligatory attention placed on South Carolina, Iowa has stampeded the headlines once again by naming the homophobiest of the Republicans the actual winner of the Iowa Caucus. The Washington Post is reporting that Ragin’ Rick Santorum evidently won by 34 votes. So what does this mean for the race toward Republican Presidential glory? Absolutely nothing.
Mitt Romney Doesn’t Make Very Much Money
“I get speakers fees from time to time, but not very much.” – Mitt Romney describing earning $374,327 for nine speaking gigs.
Sweet marmalade! I wish I didn’t make very much…