Following a private conversation at the White House, both sides released statements saying “we’re not reading out details of the conversation, but the lines of communication remain open.”
Mario, an Italian plumber in overalls who understands his resemblance to the celebrated Nintendo character, is credited with clearing the lines of communication between Boehner and Obama.
“I-a did it! It’s-a-me. A-Mario!” he told reporters passing by Capitol Hill. Only children seemed interested in the plump plumbers remarks. Mr. Mario insists he donned the red cap long before Nintendo’s video game came out.
Mario reiterated his position that Washington gridlock must end in order to tend to the nation’s business. It’s the reason he agreed to a contract to clear the lines filled with excrement untraceable to any animal and wet tube socks. Mario admits the labor has been largely thankless, but hopes that Speaker Boehner and President Obama can come to a grand compromise before the lines back up again with jizz socks and shit.
Summing it up, he stated “I-a love America. I-a want her to succeed.”