Speedy Gonzales and Steve-O. See, now they're even trying to take our most asinine occupations away from us. Bret Baier, you've been warned.
As the presidential campaign heats up, the issue of illegal immigration has once again risen to the forefront of our political discourse. The problem, as many people see it, is the threat these people, primarily Mexicans, pose to our economy. As we all know, they come here night and day, stealing across our borders, only to take all of the plum jobs that the legal, god-fearing citizens of America so richly deserve and desperately desire.
Now, personally, this isn’t a problem for me. As an investigative reporter in America I don’t have to worry about Mexican journalists coming over here to take my job, mainly because most of them end up getting killed by the drug lords they report on, or they find the type of news they would have to cover in this country – celebrity divorces, dog kennel shows, pedantic political attack ads – to be beneath their integrity. So, when it comes to illegal immigrants, I ain’t worried. I’ve got mine, Jack. It’s the rest of you I worry about. And, sitting here in the catbird seat as I am, I figured it was my duty to go out and discover exactly what kind of a threat these brown people… I mean, scapegoats… I mean, immigrants, pose to our great nation.
It didn’t take long before I came across what is probably the most insidious threat from illegal immigration, which is that apparently it isn’t really an insidious threat at all. According to a report from a well-respected research institute, net migration between the U.S. and Mexico fell to zero a couple of years ago and, if anything, the balance may now tilt toward Mexico. Those numbers led me to some very interesting, and sometimes scary, questions.
1. I find this information almost impossible to believe, especially considering what I’ve been reading and hearing in the news and from Republican congress people. So, where did all of these Mexicans go? Have they invented some sort of invisibility cloak? They are usually small people. Almost hobbit-like. Maybe they figured out how to make that cape Frodo used in The Lord of the Rings. This is definitely something we should be looking into, if you ask me.
2. If this report is true, and we’ve fallen on such hard times that even itinerate Mexicans don’t want to come here anymore, what does that say about America?
3. What is Mexico going to do about all those illegal immigrants streaming across their northern border? They should build a fence or something. Possibly an electrified one. I mean, Americans are really good at breaking into things, and they’re known to carry a lot of guns. That sounds pretty scary to me.
4. Who exactly is this well-respected research institute that produced this report?
Well, it turns out this “well-respected” research institute is the Pew Hispanic Center. Once I realized that, I knew I’d uncovered yet another important piece of information the mainstream media doesn’t want you to know: Illegal Mexican immigrants have been sneaking into this country for years, armed with sociology degrees, in order to take all of our good polling jobs. That guy “Steve” who called you during dinner last night to ask what candidate you’ll be voting for in the fall? His name is actually Esteban. And apparently he’s better with statistics than most people born in America.
As my curiosity intensified I decided the best thing to do would be to get out around America and discover exactly how this wave of illegal immigration was undermining our country. Over the next week I will be reporting from all over our great nation, filling you, the America people (by the way, if there are any illegal immigrants reading this, please shut off your computers immediately and turn yourselves in to your local ICE office) in on how this disastrous wave of illegal immigration has wracked our society and devastated our country. Stay tuned.
3 comments
2 pings
Terry T. Brown
July 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm (UTC -4)
A tip for you. Apparently, there’s a little-known federal mandate that ALL restaurant kitchens must employ Mexican chefs. I believe it came about because they’re such good cooks. Either that, or most Americans don’t want to be bothered to sweat their (ample) asses off working in a steamy kitchen.
Wendy Robins
July 6, 2012 at 3:42 pm (UTC -4)
These posts just keep getting better. You are becoming the investigative reporter I always wanted to be!
Dave Francis
July 6, 2012 at 10:30 pm (UTC -4)
BROADCAST TO EVERY ILLEGAL ALIEN FROM ARIZONA AND EVERY OTHER STATE TO HEAD FOR CALIFORNIA? THE TAXPAYERS THERE WILL BE FINANCIALLY FORCED TO SUPPORT YOU, EVEN THOUGH THEY HAVE A $16 BILLION DOLLAR DEFICIT.
WHEN the mass departure begins from Arizona, other states will follow suit by enforcement policing of their borders to save themselves from giving uncompensated health care and other public assistance to the illegal alien invaders. Soon the States will be screaming blue murder that Arizona’s illegal alien families, will be expeditiously in Texas, Utah, Washington State, Oregon, Colorado and just spreading out. Yet the lobotomized idiots who run California assembly are going to pass an anti-Arizona law, so the police cannot question the estimated 9,859,027 foreign born population of California, with a total population of 36,756,666 persons as of 2006. How many are illegal aliens had settled there is unknown, but according to the Los Angeles Times, 40 percent of workers in Los Angeles County pay no taxes and are working under the table, because they are predominantly illegal aliens. It’s inevitable that unknown numbers of illegal alien refugee’s will arrive in the-Liberal-Socialist-Marxist state of California, where an already escalating $8.6 billion deficit is going to rise even more? With illegal aliens pouring in from Arizona looking for state free handouts, the state will have a real financial mess on its hands. CALIFORNIANS NEED TO REMOVE THE LIBERALS IN THEIR CAPITOL, WHO ARE DESTROYING THEIR STATE. THEY SHOULD DEMAND THAT EVERYBODY WHO VOTES HAS AN OFFICIAL PICTURE ID, BECAUSE THERE IS NO DOUBT IN MIND THAT ILLEGAL ALIENS WILL TAKE THE MINIMAL OF RISK VOTING IN LOCAL, STATE AND THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS IF DISPLAYING OF OFFICIAL ID IS ABSENT.
OTHER states will soon follow Arizona’s desperate measure, to protect their lawful population. Arizona will shortly be checking the immigration status of those settled there when they run afoul of the law. ALABAMA, GEORGIA is second on the list to be threatened by the Obama legions, pressed by the radical pro-illegal immigrant organizations and the Liberal mainstream news. Anybody who dares to overreach the federal authority of this uncontrollable government will be intimidated by the Dept of Justice. California will suffer from ‘self-inflicted monetary wounds’ caused by the Democratic indifference, to Californians taxpayers. California, the “Sanctuary State’ for illegal aliens and illegal alien criminals, such as the one that slaughtered the Bologna family members, husband and two kids in San Francisco are going to arrive in hordes in the welcoming cities. California, Nevada, Texas, New Mexico will be devastated by these parasites from throughout the world, who head there. Just like illegal immigration, ObamaCare is going to allow illegal aliens to pilfer the welfare system? It’s blatantly obvious that it’s going to encourage unknown numbers of desperate people across the border or otherwise overstay a visa?
CALIFORNIA, with the rapidly deteriorating county of Los Angeles, has ignored the onslaught from South of our border. I hope that California residents realize there being cheated out of billions of dollars yearly? Just ask Los Angeles County Supervisor Michael D. Andronovich of not just millions, but billions of dollars annually being collected by foreign nationals. It’s no real secret that Los Angeles County Department of Public Social Services reported that over $53 million in welfare benefits, were issued to illegal alien parents for their native-born children this last March. The $53 million consist of $20 million in CalWORKs (welfare) and $33 million in food stamps — representing 21% of all CalWORKs and food stamp issuance’s in the County. At this rate, the projected annual cost is over $625 million. “With the $550 million for public safety and nearly $500 million for healthcare, the total cost for illegal immigrants to County taxpayers exceeds $1.6 billion dollars a year,” said Antonovich. “These costs do not include the hundreds of millions of dollars for education.”
ARE there any records of what the cost would be currently, with the flood already here and the 500.000 projection of pregnant females that appear each year looking for their free handouts in child deliveries? WELFARE COSTS FOR CHILDREN OF ILLEGAL ALIENS EXCEEDS $646 MILLION IN LOS ANGELES COUNTY – CAN YOU EVEN COMPREHEND THAT FIGURE? That was the Year-end closing 2011 figures, but records of actual cost from Sacramento are probably under counted, suggesting that illegal aliens are the main contributors to the disgraceful deficit. ALREADY WE ARE SEEING CITIES IN CALIFORNIA AS STOCKTON FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY, WHICH IS JUST THE BEGINNING, thanks to clowns like Governors Jerry Brown and the Mayors of San Francisco and Los Angeles. Join your local multi-million person TEA PARTY and save America from the Democrats, Liberals and even Republicans, by voting for the Constitutional Tea party leadership and vote them into Congress. E-Verify is still currently voluntary, but if it were made mandatory, illegal migrants and immigrants would be scrupulously locked out of the mainstream workforce, the same with the Birthright citizenship bill. If E-VERIFY were passed by Washington as permanent and an amendment to the BIRTHRIGHT CITIZENSHIP ACT, it would definitely stem the millions of foreign pregnant Mothers who come here draining states and federal treasuries.
Without any contradiction there was massive fraud during the Immigration Control and Reform Act of 1986. The entire illegal recipient has to do in respect to the amnesty, was to prove that they had worked in the United States for a certain time period. There was widespread document fraud from the beginning by applicants. Predictably, the number of people applying for amnesty far exceeded the projections. And there proved to be a failure of political resolve in enforcing new laws against employers. IT WAS ONE GREAT BIG LIE THAT HAS CAUSED THE MESS WE HAVE NOW. Eventually, some 2.7 million people were granted amnesty, and many who remained, forming the focus of today’s unauthorized population along with the millions of family members through CHAIN MIGRATION that taxpayers are forced by federal mandate to support.
Like Thieves in the Night: Illegal Immigration in America, Part Two » Mildly Relevant News with Joe Baur | Mildly Relevant News with Joe Baur
July 12, 2012 at 8:49 am (UTC -4)
[...] by Peter Robins-Brown This is the second in a multi-part series on illegal immigration in America. You can find Part One here. [...]
Like Thieves in the Night: Illegal Immigration in America, Part Three » Mildly Relevant News with Joe Baur | Mildly Relevant News with Joe Baur
July 25, 2012 at 11:30 am (UTC -4)
[...] This is the third and final part of a series on illegal immigration. You can find Part One here, and Part Two here. Chuck and his cohort, protecting our [...]