Growing tired of the never-ending GOP primary season, President Obama has thrown himself into the ring, focusing his attacks on Republican plans for the Presidency regardless of who comes out of this shit-show with only a few skid marks. A focal point of the GOP’s plans is to pass Congressman Paul Ryan’s budget, which President Obama called a “Trojan Horse” to enact Social Darwinism on America. Lucky for the President, many of the GOP’s base don’t believe in Darwinism, so it’s unlikely the budget will get passed.
At the heart of Ryan’s proposal is massive government cuts, including lower tax rates in exchange for eliminating popular tax breaks. So basically he agreed to give up a delicious Twix bar in exchange for a Snickers bar – basically the same damn thing.
Meanwhile in the Oval Office of Solitude, Team Obama has been discussing the so-called “Buffet Rule,” which would institute a tax surcharge on millionaires. It’s a plan Republican leaders are already wiping their ever-so-pasty asses with.
“This is yet another proposal from the White House that won’t create a single job or lower the price at the pump by a penny, but may have the opposite effect,” said Mitch McConnell in his usual inexplicable drawl.
So here we are yet again. Republicans have a plan universally panned by Democrats and Democrats are working on a plan that has been rejected by Republicans on the basis of millionaires having to part ways with their jerk-off money. How many continuations will get passed for the next budget, ya think? Above or under five?
It’s hard to say whether the President’s claims that the GOP budget is a “Trojan Horse” for Social Darwinism are accurate. But if this isn’t hyperbole, then the Democrats should come back with a Trojan of their own. Of course I’m talking about Trojan Man! Because if there’s anything we’ve learned in the past few months, there’s nothing Republicans can’t stand right now more than contraception. And Trojan Man is just the guy to have protected sex with each and every one of them.
I have no idea where I’m going with that, but I wanted to leave you with the unsavory image of a Trojan Man having sex with the entirety of the Republican Party. Enjoy your lunch.
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