Yesterday I saw a twitter avatar of President Obama shaking hands with Gaddafi as if to say, “See! BARRY was in cahoots with him the entire time!” Au contraire mon frere.
You see, shaking hands with evil dictators is a rite of passage for any American president. It’s the bar mitzvah of the Commander-in-Chief. Without that moment, the president never fully assumes the presidency. They’re like a lost child in the mall, searching for the hand of someone who has committed genocide on their own people.
This rite of passage arguably began (with the media, anyway) when Nixon shook hands with Mao Zedong. Since that moment, greeting the world’s most notorious criminals against humanity (and sometimes instilling them as head of state) has been one of the first acts on the to-do list. You just don’t hear much about it when politicians make campaign promises, because it never has a nice ring to it.”
“If elected, I promise to use taxpayer money and fly halfway across the world to chill with Satan incarnate.”
To be fair, this rite of passage is something that needs to be done. You can’t simply shun crazy, evil dictators, because they’re crazy, evil dictators! There’s no doubt Gaddafi was more than mentally unstable. Hell, look at Kim Jung-Il. The guy seems to have a military parade every time the size of his penis is brought into question.
In order to fully serve the American people, it’s the job of the President to seek out these nut-jobs and make them feel some love from Uncle Sam. Then it’s up to the President to head into the Situation Room to plot the crackpot’s overthrow, so the next potentially-more-extreme dictator can reign supreme and the cycle begins anew.
So the next time a dictator gets the ole bloody heave-ho and you want to make some grand point about the President having met them once, remember that he (and hopefully one day – she) is doing you a favor. Because dictators are like slutty college girls whose parents didn’t love them. Without the attention – dictator be crazy!