GOP Presidential candidate, Michele “ain’t gonna be no stinkin’ default” Bachmann has canceled some campaign stops in Iowa in order to make it back to D.C. in time to say “no” to any kind of a debt deal yet again. Last night, President Obama came out with a compromise that he believed ultimately didn’t go far enough in “making the tough choices” – a phrase that has become a politician favorite during these debt talks. Bachmann, however, is once again a “no” vote believing the same thing – it didn’t go far enough. “The ‘deal’ … spends too much and doesn’t cut enough,” Bachmann said after the deal’s announcement.
From the beginning, Bachmann has followed the stance of many Tea Partiers that nothing will go wrong if we default on our nation’s obligations. This is quite puzzling, considering she worked for the IRS – an organization known for coming after their money (did I just make the IRS sound like a pimp?). So why in the name of all that is holy does she believe nothing will happen if we were to default? Again, the IRS she worked for is happy to charge interest on your debt. This should all be familiar territory for her. But instead of supporting efforts to do what a majority believe to be the right thing – raise the debt ceiling – she’s fighting it tooth and nail. She’s like the drunk father that only shows up for his kid’s sporting events (because that’s the fun stuff) to yell the entire fucking time.
“COACH! Give him the ball. What’re you doing out there!? Shoot it! Sh-shoot it!” Meanwhile, everyone on the coaching staff and in the stands knows that his kid blows. Nothing good will come of his kid touching the ball and everyone knows it. In fact, a poll I’m making up on the spot says the American people believe that the likelihood of losing increases each time this asshole’s kid touches the ball.
Bachmann’s drunken father behavior on this issue makes one wonder how she would behave in other situations as commander-in-chief. In what other situations would she go against the conventional wisdom to stubbornly stick to her ideology? Tomorrow, I’ll give five drunken father-esque decisions we’ll have coming our way should the American people elect her commander-in-chief next November. In the meantime, I have a special message for any drunken fathers reading this. Stop yelling at the coach. Just because you bounced/hit/threw a ball back in the day doesn’t mean you’ve suddenly been ordained by God to be the authority on all things coaching. Your stubborn behavior not only puts your son at risk, but the team as well. Now go sober up and learn how to fucking compromise!