Much has been made of President Obama’s “blank check” by Republicans looking to snap the nation’s credit card as if Uncle Sam is nothing more than a Hilary Banks ripoff. Speak Boehner brought “blank check” out again Monday night during his response to President Obama’s response to being “left at the altar” by Republicans several times on debt ceiling talks. “The sad truth is that the president wanted a blank check six months ago, and he wants a blank check today,”said Boehner. And then it hit me. The reason why Republicans are having the damnedest of times negotiating with this President. It must be because they’re confusing him with the adolescent child who was given a “blank check” after his bicycle was run over in 1994.
The constant stalemates, talking points and bitching back and forth make complete sense now! How can you blame Republicans for not wanting to work with someone they think is a mere child trying to impress a lady almost twice his age? Not to mention it isn’t our responsibility as taxpayers to pay for his super-rad water slide! And even though it was Speaker Boehner calling the President out for his dastardly plans, he shouldn’t be getting the credit. It’s economic juggernauts, like Michele Bachmann and Alan West (I’m sure they took econ in high school at some point…) who deserve the credit for keeping the blank check out of President Obama’s hands. After all, they’ve held the uncompromising position from the beginning that they will vote against a raise in the debt ceiling regardless of the stipulations. (Although I would ask them to reconsider if one of the stipulations is Fruit Loops for all… They’re a delicious treat!)
I can’t remember the outcome for young Preston Waters’ crazy escapades (probably because it was a terrible movie created for the sole purpose of having kids drag their parents to the theater while we all became a little dumber), but I’m sure it involved some sort of lesson learning. I can only hope that President Obama learns the lesson that you can’t ask the American people for a blank check (even though I’m more than certain he never actually said, “Hey, America! How’s about another blank check!?”) without facing strong opposition from fiscal hawks, John Boehner and Mitch McConnell.
Until… y’know… they’re in power again. At that point, writing the proverbial “blank check” will once again be as easy as finding the inevitable shot-to-the-junk in an early 90′s Disney movie. And in the words of Mr. Waters, “That must’ve hurt!”