Surfing False Katydid Fights For Its Life

Yesterday morning was yet another sun soaked event in Cleveland. As some of you may know (whether you wanted to or not), I’m currently out in the ‘burbs until my August 1^st-ish move in downtown. Unfortunately, that leaves me handcuffed to an automobile and a 30+ minute commute everyday (the anger this generates in me is a rant worthy of its own diatribe as I’d much rather the convenience of RTA). Fortunately on this trip, I was treated to a guest passenger: a bright green false katydid the size of about my index finger. We’ll call it “Brad,” with an elongated “aaa” sound, because I can only assume this little adventurer was taking a break from wind surfing in California.

I didn’t notice Brad until just before I got onto the highway. Brad was sitting on the top of my driver’s side mirror, antennas blowing in the wind like I’m sure they do when he’s wind surfing, zip lining or running from whatever eats false katydids. The Buddhist in me wanted to pull over, put the little fella on a patch of grass and sing some mantra that would sound cool if I were a monk with years of training. But I was positive Brad was getting a kick out of the ride. So onward I went!

25mph seemed to be his limit for surfing on the top of the side mirror. As I accelerated on the highway, I’m pretty sure young Brad had an “Oh, shit!” moment. Carefully, he tip-toed his way onto the mirror itself, using the bulk of the mirror as a blocker against the oncoming wind. I swear I could see his tiny feet curled around the top of the glass, hanging on for dear life. This was his Cedar Pointe.

Say hi to my broseph, Braaad.

Shockingly (or unsurprising to those wind surfers in California who know Brad quite well), he survived the trip. I pulled into my parking lot off Prospect Ave. in downtown Cleveland with my new buddy in tact. Hell, I didn’t even see him barf after that thrill ride! I gave him a fist bump before heading into the office.

Hours later, it was quitting time and my dear new friend had departed. I haven’t mastered false katydid-human communication, so I’m unsure as to where he’s off to now. But I like to believe he’s currently tripping on acid while climbing Mt. Vesuvius with Hansel. This experience will undoubtedly change his whole perspective on shit.

How’s about you? Have you had any adventures with friends of the bug or insect variety?